Stage fright

Stage fright
What a delight!
Haha I shouldn't start off with a rhyme
Those will come in good time

So my name is eric barcus
And yes this is my first time
Well acutally I've been in front of a mic before
but that it was for a mic check
which is sort of like that guy that tastes the Kings food to make sure it isn't poisoned

A friend asked me today if I had stage fright
I said yes, a little, but it is something I'm tring to fight
They said it wasn't something they would have guessed
I said assumptions are the worst ways in which to get dressed

You see, as I stand here today to speak words of isery, yes isery, ill be invinting new words to display the imagery
Because vocabulary is a narrow aproch to self expression
Each word has a definition
Which is all that that word can mean

So before i try to master self expression i should probably know a little bit more about myself
And since im always learning about myself while trying to conqour this stage fright
ill continue to master the mic with all my might so that some day my emotion may be set free

so since you can't connect to me telepathically
ill stand in front of this mic and try to learn the art of empathy
and if I come off with a great deal of apathy
then please be patient as I learn the words needed to express myself indefinitely

human

i am human
i know this because that is what i have learned
i have learned this because this information was taught
but these days im having to teach myself
which is a pleasure to do
and lately ive had an obsession with words

words are observations that have been defined
observations are done by our senses
they provide us with perspectives
perspective is commonly taught in art
therefor i will learn the art of words
for words are an art of passion

so be patient with me as i express myself in art
for me being me is an art of being human
and words are what we humans feel we know most
so lets look further at what it means to be human

human as a noun is defined as
distinguished from an animal or (in science fiction) an alien
this definition i have learned because someone defined it
defining something is defined as
to state or describe exactly the nature, scope, or meaning of "something"

when searching for the nature of being human
i am presented with ideas that i am a form
when searching for what kind of form i am presented with a man
a man is defined as
an adult person who is male
an adult is
a fully developed person from maturity onward
a person is
a human being
a male is
an animal that produces gametes


wait,
i am human, i have learned this, this means i am distinguished from the animals
i am a form, i have found this to be true, and my form is further defined as a man who is male
yet male refers to an animal, which i am not, unless human is falsely defined

there,
see that?
thats why ill continue to do what im passionate to do
continuing to learn what has been defined, defining what has not
and redefine what needs to be

what needs to be is also something i am passionate to learn
it presents a question of what is honesty and what is truth
in the midst of this abyss i learn by examining you and i
cause thats what needs to be, you and i in "this"

"this" is humanity
humanity means to be humane
humane is defined as
showing evidence of moral and intellectual advancement
evidence i have learned is related to results
results end when humanity ends
humanity will end when we stop being humane
i know this because of what i learned about being a human person
durring the learning about the human person i have also found
A human is a member of a species of bi-pedal primates in the family Hom-in-i-dae (tax-on-o-mic-ally Homo sapiens—Latin: "wise man" or "knowing man"). DNA and fossil evidence indicates that modern humans originated in east Africa about 200,000 years ago.

because i previously was taught what a fossil is i know that this means i will die

so come along with me again another time as i continue to learn for the benefit of man kind
about a world of words that are all to easy not to trip on
but because i am passionate about them i will continue to try to live humanely before i die

If i am to give you my all

Days like this make me want to put yesterday on repeat
Uncertainty will shake the core of the normal man
God will refocus the man he calls his child
God you have prepared me
You have shown me your signs
However I continue to fosake you
I continue to learn at the speed of a young babe
Solid food is my desire but I feel like I'm working with mush
Not a bad thing I suppose, I am being prepared for a complete meal
A feist even!
You have your hand in mine and have securied my fate in your will
If I am to follow you
If I am to give to you my all
Ohh lord how I pray for it all to be taken from me
How easy it would be to become part of your wrath!
How protected I feel in your undying patience, love and devotion

My heart cries for justice withen me
The clutches of sin come around like a carousel
Each one a new beast with wings or claws to shine in splendor
With the bit of satan in their mouth they are guided toward this son of yours
With your name engraved on my spirit I am resting in its divots
Tooooooo shallow to be unaware of the evil that surrounds me sometimes I wish it was more like a canyon
Yet I am aware ever still

My desires are for your will
I plee for you to know this hearts desires
I ask to be enligtened of your purpose
You ask for me to continue to cleanse, repent

Further interesting is how you continue to seperate me from my earthly desire
The woman, a wife, the longing for her touch
The home, its foundation, building up a concrete comfort
Yet you are helping me focus OOOn the things to bring me IIIIN closer union with your plan
The church, your family, my position withen it brightening
The job, its riches, the ability to steward that resource

Life is changing, life is breathing, life is moving with uncertainty and blosseming with your guidance and patience
It is true that it has been said the world will not understand the peace within me
In times like these I'm happy to find it inside,
a beating drum SOOo sound a comfort giving me strong knees

In this time of uncertainty I am thankful to have no one to love but you

like the flowing of ocean tides

Body dead to movement, no reason for your eyes to have purpose with me
slowly i breathe, trying not to focus on myself i try to calm my mind
but inside are circus freaks on trampolines, trapeze artists coaxing me to new heights
the mixture of desire, intentions and perceptions, many colors are in this dark room
a pallet of noises, spirits conversing here and there, making a rainbow a mess, without a care
mirrors reflecting self are mazes of deceit, no matter the strength of self
meeting you in this place happens more often than I am able to recollect
but if only to recall the pathway once again your voice i can not neglect
i try to, even thou i seek you, this conundrum will be a life long regret
ive asked to be open, to allow you in, completely aware is the desire of self
not always looking upward i know part of your divine truth is always living within
but without you up above there would be no commander, your name the capstone to the earths mothering breast
your word spoken so audibly clear, written down makes me a parable critic
truth forever seeking, design discovery brings great joy, takes away from sin
to the beauty of your truth all the flowers give reprise to your care
like the flowing of ocean tides, you draw me closer to send me out again
to feel your hand upon me, its comfort to none compares
so alone i sit, waiting for your caress, seeking temporary deliverance from this space
good will ambassador, my life is yours to change, let it mean something, help it show your praise
my shape one to mold, not to callas, but to be broken, to take your shape
with the world not to chafe, even though it would be hard not to, but i pray love takes its place
i pray to the heavens you'll meet me here again, like a fathers love yours is here with me

these hands

These hands, were built to build
built to instruct and receive instruction
battle thru division to work together
battle thru destruction to create new empires
and as i battle thru the wickedness that created this hell i am reminded of my heart

my heart i hold out in my hand in hopes that you will receive it
this hand works so you don't have to
its reward is in your eyes
this hand is full of hope
full of compassion
lacking restraint
has no polish but it sure does shine

this hand over here however wants to say fuck you
it is this hand that holds my gun
the one that has laid many bricks and looks ever Toooo sharply at protecting them
seeks reward in an eye for an eye
full of passion
lacking restraint
is polished and cleaned twice a day, but still holds no shine

these hands are my battle field
my protection
image creators
warm embracers
neighborly hellos
cigarette holders
road rage navigators
woman pleasers
self mutilators
sinners
deal makers
doctrine signers
and forgivers

and some people say they hold the truth to my destiny
only i know that theres no magic involved in these lines
for they are the legacy creators
country defenders
alliance pledgers
peace makers
page writers
yes these hands are history makers

think with me about these things for a moment
stretch your arms out as far as they will go
see the potential as they divide?
now bring them together, clasp them, unite
they know how to work together, they are of the same skin

we know how to work together, our hands have taught us this
our hands teach us balance as we walk thin lines
they have constructed sand castles
composed symphonies
painted without a need for a brush
caressed a face
silenced hate
kept a gun in its hostler
pointed at rainbows
worked together to play tug o war
and wrote i love you when it was hard to say

they are taxed, yet they never want to quit
they know no purpose but to act
diligent, tender forces
angels of the flesh
they have brought forth themselves saying, done, what's next
where is the work to be done
in which ways may i be used next
in whos life may my acts bring new fortune
and at the end of the day they will hold my heavy head once again saying job well done

They are but the branches of a tree called me

The truth is i can only make as much time for you as you make for me
because under it all thats the way we want it and make it to be
this rule sets up our days in an unspoken harmony
you are all my friends, if i could hang out with you every day you know i would
but because we know we cant, we feel it must continue this way
i will call you, you will cal me, some times your to busy and other times its me
however when we do make time for each other its life lived in unity

This push, shove, pull, live, kill, die, hardly have a moment to breath world, will not stop

This wake, read, work, type, present, share, empty your inbox, sit in traffic for an hour on the way home world, does not stop

This eat, drink, piss, shit, hug, kiss, leap and retreat, all in the hopes of finding love world, can not stop

This breakfast in bed, high school football practace, dance recitle, praise the lord, try to get a few hours of sleep before monday morning beggins world, should not stop

Its all the things previously experianced and all of the things hoped for
all the places we want to travel, the miles we have traveled, and the ones we want to travel once more
Its the things we know, the ones felt, the ones we are learning, and what we want to feel along with everything else inside of us that makes up this thing called understanding
its the flutter of a heart crushing once again, and the calousing of a heart broken like a limb

these limbs of life, the people in ours, and the roads we have traveled to become what we are are the reasons we move forward
They are but the branches of a tree called me
these passions, my desire, the one that i pray to, all the feelings i have deep inside me adding fuel to my fire
they are but the roots of the tree called me, giving me permission to live


stop

slow down

stop for just a moment



catch a breath, go on, catch another more
hold one, notice that? do hear that?
welcome to yourself
welcome to your inner thoughts that are the center of your being

stop
slow down
stop for jsut a moment
dont get scared, its only you,
its only who youve always wanted to be
NOT TURE? ,TO MUCH?
you wanted to be someone else?
then youve got to, stop, slow down, and take a few more moments or two to examine yourself
do this daily
make it a habbit
do it every hour
so that when you are becomeing what you have set your goals to be
you dont forget everything that you are, why it is, and why you want to become everything else that you know your meant to be


friend i will remember you, in this shape and in the next
i will take time out to breath with you, and ill be waiting untill the next
you are all loved, each and everyone of you, i know that you are something i can not replace.

and now be certain of this

Angles are around us, there are daemons here to
the world has a fourth dimension
a spiritual realm that holds a new set of questions
it is here surrounding you
It is the reasons you ask why and the reason you know how

Meditation can be taught, a mindset to set the mind free
Prayer is often mimicked, a way to talk to god
But you can combine the two, in every step you walk
new ways of understanding god we must not mock

You have shown me of his beauty
and you have shown me of his truth
because of you i know that there are many sides of him i may never see
but know that all sides of him are love
so that he may forever hold you in ways that most of us wont

Some people speak out of mind,and others out of heart
we all do it differently ,but it should not pull us apart
this is not more of that peace love and happiness bullshit that has been sprinkled on us but left for the wind
its the truth of humanity, that we all are made of the same dirt

I could chose to plagiarize your actions to use your words
but i know that i have my ideas and that yours are yours
may we learn more about one another so that our words may not hurt each other as they do


and now be certain of this
as i am certain of my own form
my heart is very strong
it speaks often without caution
It will speak before the mind gives it the ok to do so
but my prayer forever is
that my soul will overwhelm me
so that one day it may keep a hold on my wayward heart